The most insane fanfic
by Xplodiak
Summary: Just a little something crazy I wrote. Featuring characters from far and wide, and just about anywhere else you can think of. Rated for some Language, and a little bit of suggestive material.
1. Chapter 1

The wackiest story ever…….

I wrote it a few weeks ago, since it was write this or watch "Finding Nemo" in Spanish.

Stuff in _ITALICS _is when someone's doing something.

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

Characters from:

Chuck Norris

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

Dora the Explorer

Gungrave

Kindom Hearts/Final Fantasy

Transformers

DC Comics

Leeroy Jenkins

A dog

Marvel Comics

Foamy

Captain Planet

Mr T.

Megaman

Vin Diesel

Karate Kid

Shonen Jump

Beavis and Butthead

Evangelion

Pootie Tang

Futurama

Invader Zim

Power Rangers

Newgrounds

Bill & Ted

Harry Potter

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

Chuck Norris: OK, Skeletor, If I'm gonna help you fight He-Man, you need to come up with a plan.

Skeletor: It's simple. We'll have Beast Man order a flying creature to piss all over Castle Greyskull! Then, since it will be yellow, it must be called Castle Yellowskull! He-Man's power is drawn from Castle Greyskull, so Castle Yellowskull will grant him NOTHING!

Chuck Norris: ... THAT IS THE STUPIDEST PLAN I'VE EVER HEARD!

Dora: Muy Bien! _gets grabbed by Zombie_ AHHH! No bueno!

Beyond the Grave: ... _EMO_

Optimus Prime: Now, I use my awesome power to transform into a truck! _Transformy sounds_ HONK!

Batman: That's all you can do? At least the Decepticons turn into tanks and stuff. All you can do is drive, honk, and turn into a big robot.

Optimus Prime: BUT, can YOU turn into a truck?

Batman: ...

Megatron: But can YOU shoot people when you transform? Take THAT, Prime! I win again! I don't turn into some lame truck, I'm a GUN!

Guess Who: LEEROY JENKINS!

Spike: woof!

Juggernaut: I'm the Juggernaut Bitch!

Foamy: You know what I REALLY hate? When people call themselves the Juggernaut!

Dr. Bruce Banner: But he IS the Juggernaut.

Captain Planet: The Juggernaut blew up a dam, I must defeat him!

Juggernaut: You can't be serious! Don't you know who the fuck I am? I'm the Juggernaut Bitch! I'm gonna kill'em, I'm gonna rape'em, I'm gonna eat his fuckin costume! _Grabs Captian Planet_

Random Dude: I HAVE NO LEGS!

Mr. T: I pity the fool who don't got legs!

Megaman: Quick, Lan! Put in a "New Legs" Battlechip so we're not pitied by Mr T!

Lan: But I traded that chip for some curry!

Captain America: Has anyone seen my shield? It's circular, shiny, and has a big star on it. Kinda indestructable...

Vin Diesel: Is this yours? _Points to shield lodged in his back_

Captain America: Oops.

Sephiroth: Maybe that Keyblade will choose me as its wielder when I defeat Sora!

Chuck Norris: What are you, retarded? Why do you want an oversized key? You have THAT THING! _Points to Sephiroth's insanely large sword_

Sephiroth: I AM retarded.

He-Man: By the power of Chuck Norris! explodes

Daniel: Mister Miyagi! I got a girlfriend! Mister Miyagi!

Mr. Miyagi: Daniel-son! I teach you new technique! It called, "Hump like dog!"

Sasuke: Man, our battles take like, 12 episodes.

Sakura: Yeah, Shonen Jump makes stuff boring. Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean we dont get bored!

Naruto: HELP! I've been taking a piss for like, 4 episodes! I'm dehydrated!

Skeletor: YES! My Shonen Jump minion's power to make things go forever shall transform Castle Greyskull into Castle Yellowskull!

Naruto: But I'm dehydrated!

Skeletor: SILENCE MINION! Here's a bottle of water.

Chuck Norris: I probably shouldn't tell him what happened to He-Man...

Standup Comedian: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? As much wood as Chuck Norris says to chuck, BITCH!

Beavis: 'hehehehe' That dude is a doctor. 'hehehe'

Butthead: 'huhuhuh' Watch this. _Kicks Banner in the nuts_

Dr. Banner: ARRG! HULK SMASH! _Jumps to New York and wrecks stuff_

Random Asian Guy: This is why I left Tokyo!

Shinji Ikari: _EMO_

Asuka Langley Shoryu: _EMO_

Rei Ayanami: _EMO_

Beyond the Grave: ... _EMO_

Blob: No one moves the BLOB!

Chuck Norris: _Roundhouse kicks Blob to the moon_

Prof. X: Chuck Norris moves the Blob, bitch.

Pootie Tang: #$!#$

_Author's Note: WTF? NOBODY UNDERSTANDS POOTIE TANG! _

Prof. Farnsworth: This universal translator can translate any speech. Unfortunately, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Observe... "Hello"

Translator: Bonjour

Prof. Farnsworth: CURSES!

Zim: GIR!

Gir: Maybe. _breakdances_

Zim: GIR! Stop that infernal dance and come here.

Gir: _explodes_

Every Single Power Ranger: AHHHHH! _All Jump in an insanely fake, Uber-Dramatic fashion_

Bender: AHAHA! _Steals all the Power Rangers' fake weapons_

Pootie Tang!!$!&

Translator: Bonjour

Dr. Doom: I will destroy the Fantastic Four!

Mr. Fantastic: We booted the invisible chick, we're the Fantastic Three now.

Dr. Doom:... OK, cool. Wanna have a barbecue?

Pico: Dude, you guys wanna go to the barbecue?

Shinji: _EMO_ No... It's pointless.

Asuka: _EMO_ ...pointlesssssss...

Rei: _EMO_ ...Go away

Pico: I DONT UNDERSTAND! EMO-TALK IS BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION!

Juggernaut: I killed 'em and I raped 'em and I ate his fuckin costume because I'm the goddam Juggernaut Bitch! I dont give damn!

Bill: Radical!

Ted: Awesome!

Bill: Dude!

Ted: Woah!

Bill: Gnarly!

Ted: ... DUDE!

Bill&Ted: WYLDE STALLYNS!

Harry: Abracadabra! _Points wand at book_

Hermoine: You know, these books would be much more interesing if the word "wand" was replaced with "wood."

Chuck Norris: And it is done!

JK Rowling: My books' popularity has gone up tenfold! Now I can retire and leave all of my fans to write their own damn ending on Well, now that we're retired, wanna go into the closet Hermoine?

Hermoine: WHAT?

Harry: Only a slut would have THAT done, _Grabs wood and points at Hermoine_

Hermoine: _Grabs Harry's wood and it shoots her in the chest_

Chuck Norris: I KNEW it would be more interesting.

Ron: _Shoots Hermoine in the face with his wood_

Hermoine: _Grabs her wood and shoots Harry and Ron_

Chuck Norris: VERY interesting.

Naruto: OK! It's all yellow!

Skeletor: Now, we wait for He-Man

Chuck Norris: Maybe I SHOULD tell him... Nah!

Harry and Ron: _Shoot Hermoine in the face with their wood_

Sasuke: Naruto, why were you pissing for 6 episodes?

Naruto: What else was there to do? The only thing going on is Kakashi eating a sandwich. That'll last until Next Year.

Sakura: Naruto! It's only a sandwich! Even at Shonen Jump speed, It'll take 2 episodes at most.

Naruto: It's from Subway.

Sakura+Sasuke: Oh.

By the time Kakashi finished his Subway sandwich...

Sasuke: Sakura! You know Tommy can't throw shurikens yet!

Sakura: But he's 7!

Naruto: AHAHA! I'M THE HOKAGE NOW!

Kakashi: Hey guys, I'm back from Subway!

Sasuke: I dont wanna be a ninja anymore.

Kakashi: Why not?

Sasuke: It's been almost 10 years since you left. Me and Sakura had a kid, and got married.

Naruto: And I'm the Hokage!

Hinata: And I'm the Hokage's fine sweet-ass bitch!

At Castle Yellowskull...

Skeletor: WHERE IS HE-MAN?

!111111111111111111111111ONE

Well, I hoped you laughed!

R&R, I might do another one if people actually like it.


	2. Chapter 2

Fanfiction File #2

Characters from:  
Chuck Norris

Saturday Night Live Celebrity Jeopardy

Marvel Comics

G.I. Joe

Samuel L. Jackson

Jimmy Neutron

TROGDOR the BURNiNATOR

Pirates of the Caribbean

Xplodiak (The writer)

Shonen Jump

DC Comics

Alex Trebek's Mom

Mr. T

Willy Wonka/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Fullmetal Alchemist

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

Chuck Norris: Ladies and gentlemen, we will now watch Jeopardy.

Alex Trebek: What is the sound a doggie makes?

Sean Connery: **buzzes** Moo

Trebek: I hate you

Cap Fan: When Captain America throws his mighty shield, all who oppose him must surely yield!

Captain America: And I'll prove it for my fans! **Throws shield at Chuck Norris**

**Shield bounces off Chuck**

Cap Fan: EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE!

Cobra Commander: **Gets on a plane** It's nice to go on vacation… Not worry about getting my ass kicked by G.I. Joe…

Samuel L Jackson: Enough is enough! I have had it with these mutha fuckin' snakes on this mutha fuckin' plane!

Cobra Commander: DRAT!

Chuck Norris: That's what happens when snakes get on planes…

Samuel L Jackson: DIE! AHAHAHAH! **Activates lightsaber**

Cobra Commander: OK, from now on I take the train…

Samuel L Jackson: SNAKES ON A TRAIN! It'll be a smash hit!

Jimmy Neutron: Einstein's ghost! I've invented a non-burninatable thatch-roof cottage!

Trogdor: **Burninates the "non-burninatable" cottage** Now what, bitch?

Jack Sparrow: My good man, I do beli- HEY! Writer! That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. CAPTAIN!

Xplodiak: Jesus, Jack! I have your exestince at the tip of a pen and you decide to PISS ME OFF!

Jack Sparrow: Oh come on, is it that hard to write CAPTAIN? Or are you just afraid to admit that I, being a captain, am better than you.

Xplodiak: OK, I'm whipping your ass. **pokes at Jack with his pen**

Luffy: I'm gonna find One Piece!

Zolo: Luffy, we've been searching for 40 years.

Nami: Or 4000 episodes, at Shonen Jump speed. We're moving pretty fast.

Zolo: When they gave me my contract, they let me pick between 10 years or until we find One Piece.

Luffy: I made him say until we find One Piece!

Zolo: YOU SAID IT WOULDN'T TAKE LONG!

Nami: I'm pretty sure he meant "Shonen Jump's" definition of not long.

Narrator: As Xplodiak and Jack Sparrow continue to duel…

Xplodiak: Do you have any Aces?

Jack Sparrow: Go fish.

Narrator: AHEM!

Jack Sparrow: Oh yes, right! **jumps on the table and draws his sword** En Guarde!

Xplodiak: Fine! FINE! Just let me go write some more…

Captain Jack Sparrow: AHA! You will always remember this as the day you almost…. Ummm…. **runs away**

Alex Trebek: And here we have Mr. Connery, who has a commanding lead of a nickel.

Sean Connery: **Buzzes** Abraham Lincoln!

Alex Trebek: Mr. Connery, we haven't started yet.

Chuck Norris: I'm cold. **Turns the sun up**

Mister Freeze: NOOOOOO **melts**

Iceman: NOOOOOO **melts**

Alex Trebek: On to Final Jeopardy. The topic is "Smack Alex Trebek." Wait, WHAT?

Sean Connery: **Writes on his podium, then smacks Trebek** The day is mine, Trebek!

Alex Trebek: Kill me now… You wrote… Nothing. You wagered? Oh, dear lord!

Sean Connery: Your mother, Trebek!

Alex Trebek: No, No, NO!

Chuck Norris: He wagered, it Alex.

Alex Trebek: HER, Mister Norris, and that is against the rules.

Chuck Norris: **roundhouse kicks Trebek** Don't argue with me, bitch.

Mr. T: I pity the fool who argues with Norris!

Trebek's Mom: Oh, Sean!

Narrator: Meaniwhile…..

Captain Jack Sparrow: Take THAT! **throws a breathmint** AHA!

Xplodiak: Where the hell did you come from, Jack? And WHY did you hit me with a breathmint? Better yet, WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE A MORON!

Captain Jack Sparrow- But I'm Not Jack Sparrow! I'm Willy Wonka!

Xplodiak: God, take me now.

Willy Wonka: Minions, ATTACK!

Minions: Oompa Loompa doopity do, what would you do if we shot at you?

Alphonse: Wow, brother, those little orange guys are shorter than you.

Edward: WHO'RE YOU CALLING SHORT!

Alphonse: You.

Edward: …WHY did I give up an arm to keep you alive?

Chuck Norris: Because you're an idiot.

Mr. T: I pity the fool who gives up an arm to save an ungrateful brat!

Narrator: When Luffy finally finds One Piece…

Zolo: You MUST be joking…

Nami: Knowing Shonen Jump, this just might be One Piece…

Luffy: COOL! It's a "one piece" bathing suit! And it fits me!

Zolo: We should've mutinied.

Nami: Yeah.

Luffy: Now I'm the Pirate King! The BEST DRESSED PIRATE KING EVER!

Xplodiak: Well then. Now that I wrote that second part, I'D LIKE MORE THAN THREE REVIEWS! Minions, the Disclaimer please.

Minions: Oompa Loompa doopity-do, Xplodiak wrote this story for you-

Xplodiak: I'm running outta page space! DISCLAIMER!

Minion#1: Oh, right.

Minion#2: Xplodiak doesn't own any of the characters in this story except Me, Minion #1, the Narrator, and himself.

Minion#1: He bought Me and #2 from Mr. Wonka.

Minion#2: Yeah, Xplodiak's just borrowing all of those other characters because the story would be really lame and short without them.

Edward- Who're you callin' short!

Minion#2: And besides, IF Mr. Xplodiak owned all those characters, he'd have a whole lot more fun with them.

Xplodiak: Yeah, I don't know why the people who OWN them don't have more fun…

Minion#1: Oh yeah, Mr. Xplodiak used the Mr. Wonka from the remake "CHARLIE and the Chocolate Factory."

Minion#2: And he used us, the Oompa Loompas, from the original.

Xplodiak: BECAUSE THE REMAKE HAD COMPUTER GENERATED OOMPA LOOMPAS! DESCECRATION I SAY! WHEN I FIND TIM BURTON I'M- **falls over** 'zzzzzz'

Minion#2: **hides tranquilizer** He's… uhh… tired.

Minion#1: Let's go with that.

Narrator: And so, Xplodiak will sleep until he finds the dart and kills the Oompa Loompa that shot him.

**Minions point at eachother**

Narrator: Wait, how is this still going if Xplodiak is asleep?

Chuck Norris: Don't ask questions you're not prepared to have answered.


End file.
